So Kenya Airways employees have been watching South African news and seem to have learnt a thing or two on how to go on strike. Reminds me of a joke I heard on one of the South African Radio Stations during the Confederations Cup. A presenter asked what were the chances of Bafana bafana (I wonder why the cant change that name which literary means Boys boys) winning the tournament. One listener called in and claimed the chances were very high that they would win, to which the presenter asked why he made that assertions. The listener quickly answered "because South Africa has very many strikers - Doctors, Teachers, Municipal Workers, Construction Workers, Taxi Drivers etc".
Kenya Airways just added to the number of strikers in Kenya - if only that could some goals to the scoreline of our beloved/obsolete Harambee Stars!
The one thing that I could not fathom during the 3 day strike was, how does anyone in their right mind demand a 130% pay increment for 3000 employees from a company that is recording losses? Do the union officials ever pose to do the maths? If the company gave such a pay increase, it would literary shut down in a few months and then what would become of the unionisable employees? They would simply add to the statistics of unemployed Kenyans.
I am not however claiming I condone the practice of underpaying workers, no, just that I find unions rather unreasonable in most instances and I am glad I have not had the chance to be in any union (apart from the marital union with my wife - but that is a different sort).
Secondly, we get the news they have reached a "back-to-work formula". And the agreement is....drumrolls....20% pay rise staggered over 2 years. The union demands 130% payrise, the management offers 20% (over 2 years) and everybody is happy???? Am I missing something here or was the "1" in 130% a Uhuru Kenyatta kind of typo?
Anyway, I am glad they are back to work as I was personally grossly affected by the strike and I hope the management learns how to read the moods of the employees/union better and know what to safely dismiss and what needs serious considerations.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Flight or Fright?
Blame it on the cabin pressure but the flying experience always somehow puts my brain in overdrive.... So, although my brain has recently been obeying the law of diminishing returns religiously, when I took a flight a few days ago, it went back into overdrive and considered many possibilities.
Picture this:
I am flying from Joburg to Nairobi aboard KQ 763. Its time for take off and the doors have been closed (or rather in their lingo, armed and cross-checked). Now, I wonder, why do they arm doors? Sounds like something that should be done in Military helicopters...
Then follows the long and laborious demonstration of "safety features inside this aircraft" which I try to "pay attention to even though I am a regular traveller".
I wonder who scripts those announcement, but one thing am clear about, they seriously lack a sense of creativity....but maybe we should blame it on the lawyers who insist the warnings must be in clear (read boring) plain (read boring) english...but I digress.
The smoothly smiling cabin crew demonstrate to us the use of the life jackets and I am tempted to stop them and ask, "does the life jacket work if we crash land in a forest or mountain?" There is minimal chance that you would crash into water while flying from Joburg to Nairobi, unless the pilot is clearly looking for a water body to aim at. Why do they waste their energy demonstrating how to use a life jacket when the flight will not be flying over a water body?
While am still musing about this and looking for an opportunity to ask the question, the cabin crew have finished whatever else they have to demo and are doing a final check before take off.
I absolutely love take-offs and am gazing absent-mindedly or is it absently-minded at the diminishing objects on the ground when the captains voice breaks my thought pattern from the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking...." I have those words so many times that I as soon as I hear the first 3 words, my brain does and autofill for the rest of the statement. The captain goes ahead to whisper to himself for another 2 mins or so and I finally hear him say, "thank you for choosing to fly Kenya Airways". I am left wondering why he bothered to speak to us in the first place if he was not going to be loud enough for us to hear what he was saying. Whatever happened to the "mic check one...two..." procedures to confirm you can be heard before you launch into a long monologue which no one can make out. And why don't the cabin crew page the captain or go knock on his door and tell him to either speak up or shut up?
The flight progresses well and we reach our cruising altitude and the captain comes back on to announce this major milestone on our journey. This time round, with the engines not revving as loudly as during the climb, I am able to hear what he is saying...and hoping that he would also tell us what he had been trying to tell us earlier (maybe some ingenious member of "the entire crew) informed him that he was inaudible in the previous address. Well, he does not do such a thing and I figure out he must have told the ingenious member of the crew "don't worry, it was nothing".
As it always happens, after I have enjoyed my meal and the crew have just served tea, we hit turbulence. "Ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, this is your first officer" - I gather calling it a cockpit is degrading and so the correct term is Flight deck! He continues: " we are experiencing some turbulence currently and this will last for another 120 miles...." 120 miles?? What does that mean to us mere mortals? Is Joburg from Nairobi that far away? Does that mean we will be in turbulence for the rest of the day, never mind the flight is just under 4 hours? Just because he has all those instruments in front of him telling him what speed we are moving at and how much distance we will cover does not excuse him to be oblivious of our ignorance...
Eventually, we do reach Nairobi and I am tempted to insist that I want access into the cockpit...nay, Flight deck to:
Picture this:
I am flying from Joburg to Nairobi aboard KQ 763. Its time for take off and the doors have been closed (or rather in their lingo, armed and cross-checked). Now, I wonder, why do they arm doors? Sounds like something that should be done in Military helicopters...
Then follows the long and laborious demonstration of "safety features inside this aircraft" which I try to "pay attention to even though I am a regular traveller".
I wonder who scripts those announcement, but one thing am clear about, they seriously lack a sense of creativity....but maybe we should blame it on the lawyers who insist the warnings must be in clear (read boring) plain (read boring) english...but I digress.
The smoothly smiling cabin crew demonstrate to us the use of the life jackets and I am tempted to stop them and ask, "does the life jacket work if we crash land in a forest or mountain?" There is minimal chance that you would crash into water while flying from Joburg to Nairobi, unless the pilot is clearly looking for a water body to aim at. Why do they waste their energy demonstrating how to use a life jacket when the flight will not be flying over a water body?
While am still musing about this and looking for an opportunity to ask the question, the cabin crew have finished whatever else they have to demo and are doing a final check before take off.
I absolutely love take-offs and am gazing absent-mindedly or is it absently-minded at the diminishing objects on the ground when the captains voice breaks my thought pattern from the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking...." I have those words so many times that I as soon as I hear the first 3 words, my brain does and autofill for the rest of the statement. The captain goes ahead to whisper to himself for another 2 mins or so and I finally hear him say, "thank you for choosing to fly Kenya Airways". I am left wondering why he bothered to speak to us in the first place if he was not going to be loud enough for us to hear what he was saying. Whatever happened to the "mic check one...two..." procedures to confirm you can be heard before you launch into a long monologue which no one can make out. And why don't the cabin crew page the captain or go knock on his door and tell him to either speak up or shut up?
The flight progresses well and we reach our cruising altitude and the captain comes back on to announce this major milestone on our journey. This time round, with the engines not revving as loudly as during the climb, I am able to hear what he is saying...and hoping that he would also tell us what he had been trying to tell us earlier (maybe some ingenious member of "the entire crew) informed him that he was inaudible in the previous address. Well, he does not do such a thing and I figure out he must have told the ingenious member of the crew "don't worry, it was nothing".
As it always happens, after I have enjoyed my meal and the crew have just served tea, we hit turbulence. "Ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, this is your first officer" - I gather calling it a cockpit is degrading and so the correct term is Flight deck! He continues: " we are experiencing some turbulence currently and this will last for another 120 miles...." 120 miles?? What does that mean to us mere mortals? Is Joburg from Nairobi that far away? Does that mean we will be in turbulence for the rest of the day, never mind the flight is just under 4 hours? Just because he has all those instruments in front of him telling him what speed we are moving at and how much distance we will cover does not excuse him to be oblivious of our ignorance...
Eventually, we do reach Nairobi and I am tempted to insist that I want access into the cockpit...nay, Flight deck to:
- Ask the captain what he was saying soon after we took off and if he was in deed addressing us.
- To ask the first officer how far 120miles is and whether the measurement in air is the same as on the ground.
I take a quick look at the flight purser and decide to just proceed on my way out.
When I eventually get out of the airport building after filling out a health questionnaire to determine if I have the Swine Flu and another card written Departure Declaration (although in actual fact I am arriving) - useless government paperwork which will be a rant for another day - I find my cab driver and I am on my way to my humble aboard.
I get into the cab and immediately put on my seat belt. The driver does not put on his belt and only many kilometres (how far is 120 miles??? ....forget it...) down the road when we approach a police road block does he hurriedly fasten his seat belt. I am left thinking, statistically, its proven that car seat belts save many lives in case of an accident, Aircraft seat belts????I doubt there are lives that were saved by wearing a seat belt in an aircraft after a crash. So, how come we religiously wear seat belts while flying and are reluctant to wear then while in a car? Is it just because of the fright of the flight???
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